1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about power tools.
4. A five day holiday requires only one suitcase.
5. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
6. Your toilet queues are 80% shorter.
7. You can open all your own jars.
8. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
9. Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.
10. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
11. Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
12. All your orgasms are real.
13. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
14. Blokes in hockey masks don't attack you.
15. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
16. You can go to the loo without a support group.
7. Your last name stays put.
18. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
19. When your work is criticised, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
20. You can kill your own food.
21. The garage/shed is all yours.
22. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
23. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
24. You never have to clean the toilet.
25. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
26. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
27. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
28. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
29. Your underwear is 10 quid for a three pack. 3
0. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
31. You don't have to shave below your neck. 3
2. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy arse every night.
33. If you're 34 and single nobody notices. 3
4. You can write your name in the snow.
35. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
6. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
7. Chocolate is just another snack.
38. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
39. Flowers fix everything.
40. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
41. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
42. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
43. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
44. You can eat a banana in a DIY store without feeling embarrassed.
45. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
46. Foreplay is optional. 47. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
48. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
49. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
50. You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader is coming by.
51. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
2. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
53. You don't give a rat's arse if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.
54. You can watch sport in silence with your mate for hours without even thinking "He must be mad at me".
55. The world is your urinal.
56. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
57. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
58. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
59. One mood, all the time.
60. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
61. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
62. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
63. Same work....more pay. 64. Grey hair and wrinkles add character.
65. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
66. Wedding Dress 1000 quid; Tux rental 100 quid.
67. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
68. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
69. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
70. The remote is yours and yours alone.
71. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
72. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
73. Stag nights whomp ass over hen nights.
74. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
75. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
76. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the toilet.
77. If you don't call your mate when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
78. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
79. You can rationalise any behavior with the handy phrase "F*** it!"
80. If another bloke shows up at a party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong friends.
81. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
82. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
83. You think the idea of drop-kicking a small dog is funny.
84. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
85. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
86. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
87. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
88. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
89. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"